MHPT 3001(Mystery Harry Potter Theatre 3001)
by Dali2theLlamasquared
Summary: Okay, if you don't know yet, Harry & everyone has to read awful fics...and there's some romance along the way! Wow! I updated! Disclaimer: I am NOT copying Lizzie Borden's ideas! So there!
1. The First Story

Okay, my friend, Stripe, started this one...so don't blame me if I helped her along! This is a very odd fic...it goes from humour to romance to...well...we haven't gotten that far yet. But, I will say that this is very very very very very very very very interesting!

Thanks again! Please R&R!!!!!!

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the Harry Potter characters. J. K. Rowling is their creator (applause, applause!). Erin, Katelyn, Kasey, and Emily are real people. I have their permission for me (and my colleagues) to use them in any stories.

Please R&R!!!! thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!!!!!!

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Part 1

Voldemort: Muahahahaha!!! I have you now! Roll call!!

Harry: Ouch, that hurt.

Ron: Mummy!

Fred: I'm not Fred, I'm George.

Kasey: Great, two to run from.

Katelyn: Ha, ha!

Emily: I smell carnations!

Erin: Buzz off Em!

George: Here, Stripe, c'mon, kitty...

Voldemort: End roll call! Now, can any of you tell us who you're here?

Kasey: Oh! I KNOW!! PICK ME!!! PLEASE!!!

Erin: (smacks her upside head) Well, duh, he's gonna kill us. The big deal is?

Voldie: WRONG!! You must read bad ficcies! Now into the theater.

Kasey: YEAH!!!!! (Skips into theater).

George: WAIT FOR ME!!!

Everybody else: groan (Everyone comes in and takes seat. Small tiger runs across everybody's laps. George dives, landing on Ron.)

Ron: GEOFF!!!

George: Got ya, Stripe! (Stripe changes)

Voldie: SIT DOWN!!!

Harry: Temper!

(Words appear on screen).

Once upon a time there was a rich stuck up kid...HARRY POTTER!!!!

Hermione: Enough exclamation points?

Voldie: No. [By this time, I hope you know Voldie is Voldemort].

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When HARRY POTTER was five, he beat up his poor, unfavored cousin, Dudley.

Harry: Actually, it's the other way around.

Poor Dudley didn't no that HARRY POTTER was a baaaad boy.

Katelyn: And I thought Kasey couldn't spell.

Voldie: You think?

Erin: Thought.

Emily: Maybe when she was two.

Katelyn: SHUT UP!!!

So Dudley lerned his leson and that's The End.

(Lights come up)

Katelyn: Kasey hasn't commented this whole time. I'm surprised.

Erin: I'm not, look in the corner.

All girls: Awww...

All guys: Gross!

George: Ouch! What was that for?

Kasey: You know.

George: Oh, this...

Voldie: INTERMISSION!!!


	2. The Second Story

Here we are again! Hope you liked the first one! Please send me anything you feel you need to tell me! I don't mind insults, either! Trust me!

Anneliese

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, etc etc etc...you get it, don't you? And Daisy, Stripe, Talons, and Katt are people who have given me the permission to let me use them in my (and my colleagues) stories.

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Part 2

Voldie: I brought you new friends! Please welcome Minnie and Sevvy!

Minnie: GEORGE WEASLEY!!!

(Kasey takes the opening and runs behind her Professors.)

Voldie: SIT DOWN!!!

Kasey: BAD FICS AND GEORGE.

(Everybody sits.) (A/N: Hi, I'm Everybody? I'd like a martini dry, shaken, not stirred). (Kasey sat warily between McGonagall and Erin. Lights go out. Erin switched seats with George without Kasey noticing.)

Voldie: FIC TIME!!!

Once upon a time there was a girl names KASEY!!!!!

Kasey: NO!

She was wonderful in every way. Beautiful flowing brownish hair. Piercing blue eyes that were as calm as the sea after a storm. The perfect grace around her.

Fred: Hey, George, isn't this from your diary?

George: (Poking head off ground)...yeah, now Kasey stay still!

Kasey: (Changes and jumps, cowering, into McGonagall's lap.)

KASEY though, had a secret. One that she didn't even know. Kasey had a twin...

Everybody except Kasey: A WHAT!?!!

Her twin was...

George: Who, so I can ask permission to date her from him.

a boy.

Fred: That's specific.

His name was...Sirius.

Everybody except Kasey: What!?!

They were too powerful together, so they were separated. Kasey was sent to the future.

Harry: You're my godfather's twin!!!???

Kasey: (Shakes her head vigorously) NO!!!

Wait, or was it James who was her twin...

Harry: What!?!

Anyway, she got married to George Weasley. This made all the boys jealous.

George: HAY! I WIN!!!

And they killed him. The End.

(Kasey jumps up and applauds loudly.)

Kasey: Love the ending!

Voldie: Thank you, join us after this short commercial break.

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So, whaddya think? Needs some more, huh? Hope you think so, because more's comin'!


	3. A New Finding

Here I am again, ready to tortu...I mean, amuse you with another continuation of the story.

Don't forget...criticism is welcome! R&R!!!

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Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters. Em, Erin, Kasey, and Katelyn are real people. I have their permission to use them...yaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayadda!!!

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Part 3

Voldie: And we're back!

Ron and Fred: Don't remind us!

Voldie: Shpt up! You'll enjoy this one, Harry!!! sarcasm, sarcasm

Harry: What is it about this time?

Voldie: You'll see...

Love v. Love

A long time ago, in a far away land,

Harry: How original!

there was a beautiful

Harry: What, princess?

bee.

Harry: What!?!?!

Hermione: Well, at least we know you don't have the same mind as Voldine has!

Voldine (oops, Voldie!): I resemble that!

Ron: Don't you mean resent that?

Voldine (Voldie): Oh, yeah! I resent that! I am not a girl!

Erin: Then can we call you a shim?

Voldine (Voldie): NO!!!!!!!

Katelyn: Aww...you make things so boring! We can't even make fun of our little Voldine!

Voldine: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!

Everyone: (snicker)

Voldie: Back to the story!

And sometimes that bee turned into a human being. When she did, she had the most wondrously amusing eyes, changing from green to brown. Her hair was beautiful with light blonde highlights, shimmering in the light. Her skin is as smooth as silk; no, smoother...

Ron: Is this from your diary? Harry?

Harry: It's _not _from my diary! I don't even _have_ a diary!

Hermione: He has a journal.

Harry: It's not from my journal!

...and her freckles,...her freckles!...They were beautiful!...

Harry: Now, would I write that?

Ron: No way!

Harry: Exactly.

Katelyn: Then who did?

Kasey: I think I know...Voldine...you have some explaining to do now...

Voldemort: (screen had no words on it, but Voldine was speaking). 

...and her hair was like strands of silk...what? I just...excuse us, we will now have an extremely lengthy intermission...

Erin: I suggest that you confess...most of us already know...

Voldine: Oh, okay! So I'm obsessed!

Katelyn: (realizing) You're more than obsessed, Voldine!

Voldine (oops, Vold!): I am not! And don't call me Voldine!!!

Em: What are you guys talking about?

Harry: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Voldie: Okay! I am! Satisfied?

Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Em: What is going on?

Erin: You don't wanna know!

Em: Yes, I do!

Erin: No, you don't!

Em: Yes, I do!

Katelyn, Erin, and Kasey: NO, YOU DON'T!!! (realization just strikes Em)

Em: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Voldine: Yes, my love! I have been madly in love with you for a very long time. Yes, infatuated. True, you are not like me. You are on the other side. You are a member of the enemy. But I cannot resist it!

Em: How do you know about my umm...

Voldine: Well...I really don't know how it feels, but I think it was a good guess...

Harry: Can we change the subject so I can beat him up?

Em: Be my guest.

Voldie: But...Em...I know you haven't the same feeling for me as I do for you...for I passionately love you...

Em: Well, I passionately hate you!

Voldie: Dearest Em, I understand now! You do not wish to profess you love to me publicly, so...(a good [evil's a better word] idea comes to his head) Aha! Brilliant!

(Suddenly, Emily and Harry were gone from the room).

(Lights dim).

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Okay, I'm not done yet...did I just end at a cliffhanger? Hee Hee Hee!!! Well, I hope I can update soon for you! Remember, R&R!!!


	4. The Room

Okay...sorry it's taken so long for me to write this next part...so I'm a little tardy with this kind of thing! Oopsys! (Did I spell that right?) Remember to R I'll take put-downs, criticism, and rejoicing reviews!!!

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Disclaimer...you know: characters from Harry Potter aren't mine. Actual people used have given me permission to use them in these stories. BLAH!!!!

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Part 4--The Room

(Voldine appears in a seemingly endless room. Em and Harry are already there. There is a light coming down, but it only lights so much. The rest of the room is pitch black.)

Voldie: Now, my sweet, you must choose one of us.

Em: What!?

Voldine: You must choose between myself and that boy over there. (Harry is at the edge of the light, sprawled on the floor; he looks unconscious) That won't be much of a choice, will it. Just run to who you choose to be with.

(Em immediately runs towards Harry. Voldine becomes angry, miffed, and extremely sad.)

Voldine: Is this how you want it?

(Em does not respond. Bends over Harry protectively. Harry starts to revive)

Em: Are you okay? Harry?! Wake up! (She cries silently. Harry suddenly openes eyes and groans)

Harry: Groan. Em? Where...are we?

Em: Not sure, hon, but you must rest. You must. (wipes tears from her eyes.)

(Voldine is getting angry. He floats over to Em and Harry and picks up Em off of the ground)

Voldine: I refuse to have you near him!

Em: I'm not yours! Leave me alone! Put me down! indignation!

Voldine: I must make you see my side! uh-oh! Come, I will show you...

(Screen appears, like a projector.) Ready for a slide show?

Voldine: You see, I had a tough childhood. My parents' death at my birth, and having no other relatives living, I went to an orphanage...

* * *

Ron: Where do you think they are?

Hermione: I'm not sure, but I hope they're okay. (worry wart!)

Erin: I just hope nothing happens to them. turns into a cat

Kasey: Yeah, me too. turns into tiger

Katelyn: Ditto. turns into hawk

(hawk flies off and suddenly disappears from room)

Ron: What the...

Hermione: How did she just do that?

Katt: _Stripe_...

Stripe: _I'm not running through that wall just to get my head bashed in!_

Katt: _I'll do it with you, then! Okay?_

Stripe: _Fine._

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Okay, you guys enjoy that? Hope so! Now, Katt/Erin, Stripe/Kasey, Daisy/Emily, and Talons/Katelyn are actual people. The first names are their names when they are in animal form only. When they speak to each other in animal form, their words are in italics because they are unable to be heard by humans.

Sorry this chapter's so short. Please R&R!!! 


	5. Change of Heart

Hello again! Hope you enjoy this! Sorry it's been taking so long for me to update any of these stories!

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters...so please don't sue me! Anyway, I don't have anything worth suing for! 

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Part 5--Change of Heart

Voldine: ...and that is why I am the way I am.

(Projector disappears. Suddenly, a hawk flies into room. Unseen by Voldine only, Talons flies to Harry and turns back into human form.)

Katelyn: (whispering to Harry) Harry? What's going on? Are you all right?

Harry: I'm...not sure...go help Em...

(Katelyn turns back to Talons and flies into air. Katt and Stripe enter, turning back into human form.)

Kasey: Harry? We've gotta get you outta here!

Harry: I'll be fine...help Em... (Passes out from effort.)

(Kasey and Erin turn back into animals. Katt and Stripe stalk up to Voldine for attack.)

Voldine: Do you understand now?

Em: Yeah. You're a psycho. (Runs from him towards Harry, but trips over Stripe on the way. She stands back up quickly and turns into a bee. Talons goes into now dive towards Voldine. Hits Voldine on head with beak. Stripe and Katt attack.)

Voldine: GET OFF!!!!!! (Takes out wand: Stripe, Katt, and Talons keep fighting. Daisy goes into fray; stings Voldine with poisoned stinger [A/N: Bad thing: poison can have counter-affect]. Voldine disappears.)

***

Minnie: I'm going in! (Turns into cat and disappears) (Note: Sevvy's still passed out)

Ron and Hermione: WHAT'S GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

George: I WANT MY STRIPE!!!!!

Fred: Need you pacifier, too, George?

George: No, my pet.

(Everyone including Voldie appears)

Voldie: (Side effects of poison beginning to show; hopefully.) I WANT KASEY!!!!!!!!!

George: She's mine!

Voldie: MINE!!!

(Stripe is cowering in McGonagall's lap. Note: McGonagall has already changed into human form)

Hermione: Can we get on with the next fic?

Voldie: Okay!

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I'll leave you here wondering what kind of fic will come next! Muahahahahahahaha!!! Hope you enjoyed the fic, though! ^_^ Remember to R&R!!!


	6. The Fourth Fic

Here I am again with a new chapter of MHPT3001 for y'all! No! Not the rotten tomatoes!!! Ahh!!! (Hee Hee! Hyperactive major after having a 30 hr. fast!) Hope you guys like this one! Remember to please R&R!!!!

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Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Harry Potter books because they're J.K. Rowlings (I wish I had thought of her idea before! :( Oh well!).

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Part Six--The Fourth Fic

Voldie: Here it goes!

I'll Love You Forever

Fred: Original title!

Every day of his life he had watched her. As she ran and her beautiful hair flew back.

Erin: It's about Kasey

Katelyn: How do you know?

Voldie: I LOVE HER!

Her eyes could change in an instant from flaring anger to compassion and...

Emily: Confusion!

Katelyn: That is SO true.

Erin: Agreed.

George and Voldie: IT IS NOT TRUE!!!

Ron: Can we get back to the story?

love. Finally, on her sixteenth birthday,

George: Next month!

he did it. He asked her the most wonderful thing.

Sevvy: (Just awakened) Punch me?

She stared at him with her piercing, clear, perfect, wonderful, all-knowing...

Hermione: Enough adjectives here?

blue eyes. "Will you marry me?"

(Stripe is still hiding in McGonagall's lap)

"Of course!" she replied in sweet, sing-a-song voice. "I'll love you forever, darling!" He and Kasey were married. Forever he cherished her words, "I do." And her later "I'll love you forever Voldie, forever and ever." THE END!!!!!

(George leaps on Voldie. Stripe hurls on McGonagall.)

Voldie: Wait...I love Erin! Geoff George!

(Erin, screeching, turns into Katt and cowers in Ron's lap. Ron tries to cover her up so Voldie can't see her. He also holds her protectively. Stripe hurls again.)

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I decided to stop here so we didn't get into another whole fic here. Don't worry; the next fic is coming up soon!!! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! (Tee hee hee!)

Pleas R&R!!!


	7. Fic Numero Five

So, here we are with the next chapter. This is chapter 7, isn't it? I've never really gotten this far in something like this before...hmm...this is a good sign...right? Well, here we go again! Please R&R! you can R&R 1,000,000,000,000 times if you want to (even though that'd take a while). (Okay, I'm hyper again! Hee hee hee hee!) Enjoy!

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Disclaimer: Same as usual. I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. People used that aren't from the Harry Potter series are either of my creation or real people, whom I have their permission to put them in any of my stories (Isn't that coolness major!?). 

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Part 7--Fic Numero Five

Voldie: This is my favorite:

Erin: (Turns back to human form and sits on Ron's lap.) Oh, yeah. sarcasm, sarcasm

The Shortest Elf Maiden

Erin: How rude! Everyone knows I hate being called short!

(title changes)

The Vertically-challenged Elf Maiden

(Everyone laughs)

Erin: (sarcastically) Ha Ha Ha! Get on with it already!

Once upon a time there was a short...oops...ahem, "vertically challenged" elf maiden. She was beautiful. Her eyes were a clear grey-blue. Her freckles dotted her rosy cheeks and cute nose.

(Erin holds nose protectively.)

She always wore her hair up in what she calls katt buns. The rest of her hair is so short it only goes up half of her neck.

Erin: What's wrong with my hair?!

Ron: Nothing! Shh...

Anyway, I love this short Elvin maid. She is %*#$ cute! one day, she was mad at Malfoy and challenged him to a duel. Only he didn't know it was with guns. So they met and took their paces. She had hid her gun under her robes... "ten!" They turned and she shot him before he could get his spell out. He was dead.

(Everyone except Sevvy stands up and applauds loudly

But that wasn't the end...

Five years later we got married. Me and my sweetie. We had fifteen...uhh...I mean six kids.

Erin: (to Voldie) (slap!) Gross major!

After that, those words she said to me stayed in my mind forever...

"You should have managed your finances better."

WAIT!!! That was my real estate agent. She said...

"If we have one more kid I'm going to beat you up!"

NO! THAT'S NOT IT EITHER!!!

"Uhh...are you trying to ask me to marry you? Because if you are I accept!" *kiss*

END

Voldie: Umm...that was interesting.

Erin: You mean you didn't write that one?

Voldie: No, but I wish I had...

Harry: Ron, do you have a journal?

Ron: (turning bright red) Yes.

Hermione: That was something you wrote in your journal!?!? (laughs hysterically)

Erin: (kisses Ron) Do you really want to marry me in five years?

Ron: (close to being as red as a ripe tomato) Next fic PLEASE!!!

Hermione: That's Ron for you. Even in his journal he can't write worth crap!

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Okay, that's the end of this one! It's not really that long, but hey, that's okay! Please remember to R&R!!!!!!! 


	8. Scary Ficcies

Well, here I am with the VERY late chapter seven of MHPT3001!!!!! Yeah!!! I'm gonna actually update something!!! I finally found this under my bed!!! Took a long time, though!!! Hope you enjoy!!!

Ah, yes; and please note that now the story will be in italics.

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Disclaimer: Read the rest of them!!! I'm tired of coming up with new stupid ways to say that I don't own HP characters and the others are real!!! So there!!!

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Part 8--Scary Ficcies

Voldie: Hey!! Got another one!

Everyone except V: *groan*

Em: Do you have one about Katelyn over here?

Voldie: Yep!

Katelyn: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Voldie: Aha!!! Here it is! Want me to read it?

Everyone except K: Yeah!

Voldie: Okay! Here goes!

__

"My Lovie Dovie"

by...

Katelyn: By who? I wanna know who wrote this!

Em: Why? So you can kiss him?

Katelyn: staring daggers No! So I can get my hands on him!

Erin: Oooh! Love already?  


Katelyn: Shut up! Just get this over with!

__

I love my Lovie Dovie. I wish she were here right now. But she's dead.

Katelyn: I'M NOT DEAD!!!!!

Kasey: Calm down! Don't hyperventilate.

(Katelyn starts to hyperventilate)

__

I wish my Lovie Dovie were by my side right now. I miss her so much. She died for me...

Katelyn: It...(gasp)...had better...(gasp)...be someone...(gasp)...I like...(gasp)...

McG: Katelyn, just breathe. There we go! Take it easy. Where is Poppy when we need her!?

(Madam Pomfrey and Sirius Black appear)

McG: I just wanted Poppy, not Sirius! glares daggers at Sirius

Sirius: Where am I?

Harry: You don't want to know!

Kasey: You're in... dramatic music ...the Twilight Zone!

(Everyone except Katelyn, Erin, Em, and Hermione give Kasey strange looks.)

Em: It's a muggle thing. And Kasey, that was really corny.

Erin: Yeah, really corny and stupid!

Poppy: Now, now, Katie, just settle down and drink this. (Glass with thick liquid appears. Katelyn drinks it, then spits it out on Sevvy who is standing nearby.)

Katelyn: That was almost as nasty as the time when Em, Kasey, Erin and I went...

Em: No!

Sevvy: What? suspicion

Katelyn: Umm...went into the Forbidden Forest and saw something really gross!

(Madam Pomfrey shoves more of the drink into Katelyn's mouth. This time, she drinks a little bit of it--the rest of it "accidentally" finds itself on Snape.)

Sevvy: Katelyn! That's 100 points from Gryff...

McG: No, you can't do that, Severus! We're not in school!

Voldie: Can we PLEASE keep going with the story? sighs

Everyone except K: Sure!

Katelyn: Noooo!!!!!!!!

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Let me tell you how it happened...

Hermione: Hey! It's suddenly in italics!

Harry: Yeah; kind of looks weird...

Ron: I don't care about the italics! Who was Katelyn protecting?

Katelyn: NOBODY!

Erin: Somebody's not happy!

Em: Geez, Katelyn! Don't spazz out on us here!

__

It was midnight. We were outside, strolling around the lake. We had borrowed Harry's invisibility cloak to come down.

Kasey: Well, at least we know it wasn't Harry!

Em: It better not have been!

Erin: Don't you go spastic, too!

__

Suddenly, we found ourselves in the Forbidden Forest.

Hermione: How did they find themselves in the Forbidden Forest? They were walking around the lake and suddenly they're in the Forbidden Forest! This just doesn't make sense!

Harry: None of them make sense!

Ron: Duh, 'Mione!

Hermione: But, but...

__

Voldemort suddenly appeared. He approached us. "Finally! You have come! It is time for both of you to die!"

Kasey: How lame!

Voldie: Yeah! I wouldn't say something as stupid as that! I'd say, "It's time to meet your doom!"

Erin: I think that was even more lame than what was written in the story!

(Katelyn is silent because of shock at horrible writing, then...)

Katelyn: VOLDEMORT!!!!

Ron: flinching Don't say that!

Kasey: That.

Katelyn: STOP THIS FIC AT ONCE!!!!!

Voldie: Nope! Let's keep going!

__

Katelyn said, "No!" Before Voldemort could get his wand out, Katelyn had hit him with...

Hermione: Why'd you stop?

Ron: Yeah! It was getting good!

Voldie: Umm...we'll just stop this fic right now!

Harry: Why?

Voldie: Umm...I think Katelyn wants it to stop.

Sevvy: And when did you become deferential towards your enemies?

Fred: Defe-what?

George: I'm lost!

Kasey: You always are! What else is new?

Katelyn: What are you talking about, Voldie? I thought you liked to humiliate us!

Voldie: Well...I've changed now, and don't call me Voldie!

Kasey: I'll keep calling you Voldie until you finish the fic!

__

the...

Harry: Hey!!! That was wayyyy too short!!! The rest, if you please?

__

love curse. He fell desperately in love with Katelyn. She gave up her love, her life, for me!!!

Night Diary.

Lee...

Katelyn: STOP AT ONCE!!!!

__

Jordan.

Kasey: BRAVO! ENCORE!

Voldie: If that's what you want...Then I'll do one on you.

Kasey: Really?

Sevvy: She doesn't care. She's never embarrassed.

__

"KASEY'S BIRFDAY"

Kasey: Yea!!

__

bY: gEoRgE

Kasey: Uh-oh!

__

ToDaY iS kAsEy'S bIrThDaY.

Ron: We stated this already.

Erin: It's George who wrote it.

Ron: Explains a lot.

__

I lOvE hEr So MuCh. ShE iS mY gIrL.

Harry: That's nice George. As long as it doesn't get mushy. 

George: Oops...

__

I wAnT ToO kI...

Kasey: This story is officially over.

George: I'll make to come true.

Voldie: FINISH THE FIC!!!!!

Erin: hy-way? ou-yay re-ay tupid-say oldemort-vay! f-iay he-say ants-way e-thay ic-fay o-tay e-bay ver-oay,

Everyone else: Huh?

Erin: Forget it.

Kasey: Why don't we just go to another fic?

Katelyn: I hate to say this, but I must agree. I really don't want to know anything about her love life with George.

Voldie: Why don't we read about your love life then?

Katelyn: NOOOOOOO!!!! I didn't mean that!

Em: Can we at least wait until the next chapter to start it? This one's getting too long.

Voldie: Okay! Tune in next time for...umm...our next episode? Or is it chapter? Or act...whatever?

Everyone else: SHUT UP!!!!!!

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Well, that's the end of this installment of MHPT3001!!! If you want more, you gotta push the little button below and leave a review!!! But I won't be able to get another chapter up for two weeks at least because I'm banned from the computer for two weeks. Blah!!! But I'll get it up after that!!! And if I ever get these other ones I'm writing done...you may be waiting for a bit longer than you'd like...


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